Death and Love; 19-23

Intro

The following 10 poems chronicle my internal experience as I faced and thought about and felt Death and Love, from the ages of 19 to 23. There is no context given but the seasons.

Please enjoy.

You will be forgotten

if the sun dies tomorrow

but it rose today

June 1st, 2020

Tu olvidares

si el sol moriría.

Levantaba hoy.

Translated January 24th, 2024

In the empty sky

above a forgotten tomb

lay white flowers

June 1st, 2020

Cielo Vacío

Cielo vacío

Encima del sepulcro

Las flores blancas

Translated January 26th, 2024

to the cute girl I saw this morning

thank you for smiling at me this morning

when I walked past you and stared

at your blue dress covered in pretty pink

and purple and rose and orange and teal and cyan flowers,

but of course–I shouldn’t need to say this but I want to–

no petals curled or colors stunned or flowers titillated

so flirtatiously like the soft billowing branches

of your hair letting light peek past pure and blinding

from the joy of your eyes and shyness of your mouth

how reckless to let it destroy the dark machinations

of my tired, tired, mind but I couldn’t help it!

when your hair parted with a breeze there was no shade to hide in

you left me a little less lonely

so thank you for sharing with me

what your eyes look like when they smile

and what it feels like when they look at mine

September 8th, 2021

Leaves turn yellow

the plague seeps in towards center

with creeping fingers outstretched;

others messy from a painter

tossing pails of bloody red paint;

others go all at once—

red, yellow, or orange; then they fall.

It is not windy,

the car's engines have stopped,

and there is no idle chatter,

so I hear death's gentle whisper:

a cold wind lighter than a fly makes.

I wonder if all at once what it would feel like,

so I imagine everywhere on earth

soil turning brown now

covered in little leaf souls

gripping me fiercely.

But before, they float,

dancing in capricious winds

to the heavy earth.

November 5th, 2021 → January 24 2024

Petrichor

It feels like the forest is smiling;

everything is so green!

Luscious leaves glitter

in the morning slant of sun

like her lips after a long kiss.

As I wander, the cool soil

feels soft and pleasant on my feet.

They’ve been patiently waiting all winter,

and not everyone has made it.

Can I love like that?

December 6th, 2021

Finding Freedom on a Dying Planet

Dread like mercury painting

roots the color of hospital walls

waste not want not

they tell me–

More like waste all the

Fuck you want

I am tiny and frail and weak and small and

Mother Nature stands above me

Invincible Punishing from above

Reckless and wrathful writhing

Fury absolute and unstoppable

Screaming the flood wasn’t enough

So I scream back

Pleading where the Fuck my freedom is

in the face of that?

Before the sky crumbles away

and the earth floods with tears,

may i enjoy the leaf that just fell

into my lap.

December 9th, 2021

Brave Bird

I was slightly startled when you looked at me:

Two beady eyes atop a perfect circle of a beak.

Then you flew away.

What did you see? Why did you look?

Are you curious and brave too?

Is there hope for me to love you,

love the sun, stars, moon, and the dead;

love a brave bird and its shy friends?

From far, far away I will watch.

Never to touch, never to clutch.

October 15th, 2022

A Brick Wall

The other night my eyes were closed

and I saw a brick wall;

the very same one

I’ve spent hours staring at.

Where are my mountains?

My lovers?

no no no no no!

bricks

cigarette smoke

neighbors I don’t say hi to.

I guess it’s kinda interesting

if you look closely enough,

there are cracks; and pores.

In the bottom corner there’s a small

smiley face spray painted in white

illuminated by a streetlamp.

I try to smile back

April 19th, 2023

To Look at the Sun

When I looked at her it burned.

I was afraid and I looked away.

But I could not escape!

For the world and its aliveness had been reborn.

How can a single glance change everything?

So full of warmth that the whole world is now sharp with it.

Every face, hand, leaf, bug, toy, pencil, and blade of grass is full of her beauty.

The moon is a dim fog inviting owls, frogs, and witches in the night!

Or it glows like a lightpost calling a clear white beacon on a stormy night.

Or a waning half moon hanging alone in a lamp post lit sky.

Like an uncertain frown; or an upside down smile.

It is all like that!

And all I want to do is look.

December 24th, 2023

Last summer my love withered

Last summer my love withered,

un-watered as I danced numbly in the river

breathing unnoticed scents.

Then, of course, the cold came along;

but I escaped into her summer.

The other side of a vast planet

warmed by her love alone.

Too quickly, I left.

The fireworks have popped and fallen setting nothing alight

for the twigs and leaves are covered in wet snow.

I pretend my footprints are damp marks in the sand

that a wave will shortly come to wash away.

Wait 4000 hours or go 4000 miles,

run away with the birds for a season,

or forever in yourself.

But truly, why not just be here now?

It's all going to change, you know.

January 27th, 2024

Mist On a Wet Morning

Mist on a wet morning

laying droplets of dew

on each blade of grass.

I remember best, her eyes.

January 30th, 2024

Neblina en una mañana húmeda

poniendo gotitas de rocío

en cada brizna de pasto.

Recuerdo mejor, sus ojos.

Translated January 31th, 2024